Okay, so E.C. Henry IS my writing pseudonym. But after this last weekend I think another nicname may be in order: Mr. Indestructible!
You see it was nephew's 3rd birthday on Saturday, and my brother hosted a gathering of little Riley's cousins: two girls and one boy. Riley is Obo's younger brother. Riley just turned three,Brycen/Obo is now six. Anywho, I had a car accident a couple weeks ago where a girl with no insurance t-boned by Toyota Corolla, putting a serious dent in the passenger side door (she tried to cut across two lanes of traffic, and thought that because a truck stopped to let her do so that she could cut across the other lane too--at which she plowed into me!)
Anywho, the repair place had my car done on Saturday, but then I found a new dent and scratch in it that wasn't their previously. I conclude the collision center rolled a cart or something on my car dunning the fix of the door and was tryig to get away with not making the repair for damage they causes. So I drove the car back, at which time the collision center rep. okayed for a NEW repair, only two weeks from now! Thinking dude may have just been trying to get me out there once I got home, I reported this to the insurance company, and sent the rep some pictures of the new damage next to my passenger's side tail light: a big dent and as series of scratches.
Moral of that collision repair shop story: be very leery of collision centers and anytime you bring your car in for repair. These SCUMBAGS were trying to pawn off repairs for damage that they themselves caused. The never admitted to anything, but I highly suspect that these scrupulous people were trying to get away with things.
Okay, so ONCE I finally got all the repair shop shenanigans out of the way, I was reminded that it was Rilye's birthday. And guess what, the worst uncle ever forgot to buy Riley a presents. So off I went to "do the right thing" and get two year old Riley some presents. While getting Riley some presents I also picked up a 18 pack of Budweiser. Thinking being: that I'd be able to party with the adults at Riley's party.
Once back home, as all the guests started to arrive, I quickly lost my nerve. Realizing that with all these little kids running around, it probably wasn't a good idea to be seen drinking
around--so I hid out in my bedroom, and drank some of that beer while the little kids played and the adults talked about their families.
Later that night, just before it got dark, the little kids found me. Everyone was approved for a "sleepover" and they came down to my room, as I was to be tasked with starting a fire so they could all have smores. But this quickly changed into a chase of the 45-year-old social retard. All the little kids had plastic swords in their hands which that had NO RESERVATION about hitting me with. This lead to an impromptu Frankenstein-esque, crazed chase of me across our vast lawn. Now to defend myslef I armed myself with the top like of a grill.
One of the craziest realities of getting beat on with swords by a pack of kids is the fact that you have more to fear from the littler ones, as they get sweept into the moment, and will litterally whack at you with unrestrained force.
So was I drunk around these little kids? No, I had stopped drinking earlier and had my full facilities when being chased like the Frankenstein monster.
Later, after I had totally winded myself from the chase I recovered and made the fire so the kids could have their smores. Thumbs up, good uncle, right?
Well, after the little kids left I proceeded to continue to drink beer and practice my bottle rocket aiming skills, as I took left over fireworks from the 4th of July and occupied myself with the task of getting bottle-rocket to explode over the top of my house.
Drinking and fireworks is NEVER a good combo. Thankfully I had no incident that night. Later, I continued to drink, until the season premire of Saturday Night Live went on. Was VERY DISAPPOINTED by how unfunnny the first 1/2 hour of skits was, so I turned it off and went to bed when the bizarre musical guest performed.
The next morning the villagers re-appeared, crazied liuttle kids ready for a second terrorizing session of the social retarded 45-year-old. I skipped out on church, (bad me, I know) and I proceeded to play legos with the kids then take them out into the old Warehouser clear-cut to climb slash piles of logs. Now about 2 months ago I had Obo out with me and THOUGHT that a 2nd climbing of the slash pile would have the affect of little Obo leading the charge to climb the slash pile.
I was VERY WRONG about that. My 6-year-old nephew acted THE SAME. Now the oldest girl in our group, Lilly, a Tom-girl in the 6th grade, went up and down the slash pile like it was nothing, but the other 3 little kids in our group: 4 year old Connor, 9 nine old Ashley and Obo; I ended up having to help up and back down.
My plan was that ALL the kids would enjoy climbing the slash piles. But to my chargin, it was too much for three of the kids, and not enough of a challenge for the rest.
To my credit, I am VERY GOOD with rolling with little kids and making things fun for them. With the failure of the slash pile climb, I audiblized and decided to take the kids on a walk to the overpass, a spot overlooking the Orting valley where I joked we'd start landslide and destroy homeowners houses below. Obo really like this idea, the rest of the kids were non-committal. But along the way, to make things interesting I had the kids work on super kicks and ninja jumps. This is a fancy was of saying that I became their amusement park ride and ached the little kids about where in the midst of a spinning they would kick out at targets of leaves, tree branches, and unsuspecting creatures crawling on the branches.
Later we found a bicyle tire and had fun tryg to roll that around.
Along the way the oldest girl in this group, the 6th grade Lilly, started acting very bizarre. She wiped her fingers in the mud and proceeded to smear both me and Obo with it. I did not encourage this out of Lilly, she did this on her own. Later, more bizarre Tom boy behavior came out, when Lilly literally laid in the dirt road and flapped her arms like she was making snow angels-only in the dirt! Again, this came out of this little girl's heart without any provocations from me.
At the overpass we got met by some strange me. I kept the kids close and got out of there as quickly as possible. You just never know. Thankfully there he had no incidents there.
Suddenly, with it not 12:30, and I had previously agreed to have the kids back my 1 p.m., where the girls and Connor's mother would be arriving to pick up her kids. I came up with the genius idea of speeding the little kids up--by racing! In oder to spice things up, I joined the race, but always raced with one of the kids on my shoulders. We would then race to stumps and various bends in the road. O yeah, this is where I defiantly earned the nicname, Mr. Indestructible! Race in about 10-12 sprints each time with a living person weighing anywhere from 40 pounds to about 95, which was case with the older Lilly, and you, my friend, have EARNED the handle, Mr. Indestructible.
But after about 5 races the kids interests began to ebb in the races. Basically they were all whining about not being on my shoulders. That's right, Mr. Outright-Social-Retard, now had the hottest property--piggyback rides on his shoulders!
After about 10-12 race, Obo just sat down and stopped at which time the two older girls left on their own. This freaked the shit out of me, as not only was I responsible for getting these kids back safely, there were strange men lurking out in the woods in a jeep!
Thank you Jesus, my worst fears never materialized. Try as I may, with Obo on Connor weighing me down I was never able to catch up to Lilly and Ashley untill were were about at the end of the trail. But the girl's chose the right route home, and I was very happy when I knew they were safe.
I turned the kids back over to Brenda, my brother's wife about 1:20. She wasn't happy, but didn't take it out me too much. Knowing how filthy these little kids had allowed themselves to get--especially that Tom girl, Lilly. I reminded them all to wash their hands.
Later before they left. All the little kids came up to the loft, where I was picking up the Lego mess they'd left behind. Got hugs from them all. Then they left, and I spent the next two football games: San Francisco v.s. Philadelphia, and then Dallas vs. New Orleans, polishing off all remaining beers...
Even Mr. Indestructible needs time to recharge!
- E.C. Henry from Bonney Lake, WA
P.S. In between my car accident and being Mr. Indestructible I've also been hard at work editing the epic fantasy novel. Got some GREAT work in lately on chapter 2. Felt I really needed to get this chapter right as it's a very important one... More to come on that soon!