The View is Always Jaded Coming from the Island of Misfit Toys

I hate not belonging.  I so wish I could my place and blossom.  I know what I want to do, I want to be in the movie-making industry entertaining millions.  But alas there are many obstacles in my way of that.  So instead, at age, 44 I find myself wandering around like a forgotten toy on the Island of Misfit Toys.

This is of course a reference to a little slice of Americana -- eventhough in all actually this TV show didn't take place in America.  It took place on the North Pole.  And the show I'm refrencing of course is "Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer" (1964 original release). 

Growing up I must watched that show religiously once a year, every time one of the networks ran it as part of their holiday, Christmas season, cartoon specials.  Narrator Burl Ives rocked the shit back tin the day.  Holly, Jolly Christmas till ya puke.  Yeah I'm proud to admit I sang along with that bitch!  May have been a little off-key -- but I'm not a professional!  Shit, I'm not even a snowman.

Are their lessons that can be gleaned from "Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer"?  Maybe something that can help a 44-year-old fuck-up I know make sense of his own life, or lack there-of.  Well, like or not, we're about to find out.

Lesson 1 that can be gleaned from the movie "Rudolph the Red-nose Reindeer":

Random chance, freak attributes and weather anomalies can do a lot more for a person than good, old-fashioned hard work

Rudolph was not a hard worker.  When the going got tough, Rudolph the red-nose raindeer got the fuck outta Dodge.  And that's a fact.  Even when he had that hottie Clairce making ovatures that she wanted to knock hoofs with him.  Rudolph could not hang with his fellow raindeer.  Alas, he was a pussy.  It's a sad, hard fact, not often spoken of in the open, but a fact none-the-less; Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer was a pussy.  

So Rudolph skipped out on everybody and by RANDOM CHANCE met up with a Elf that would forever change his life.  The Elf wanted to be a dentist.  He too was a fuck-up -- and didn't even realize it even if everyone around him did.  So what happens when two fuck-ups meet?  You now have two fuck-ups walking down the road together.  And when two fuck-ups are walking down the road what are the chance they'll run inot a third, and make their's a tri-fecta of fuckery.  Yukon Cornellius, however, was the shit.  He was a gold prospector -- and he had a pick-axe.  (Always a plus)  Yeah sure, Yukon Conrnellius was kind of a dip-shit, but he had a happy-go-lucky disposition and that goes a long ways on the streets, can buy you a lot of street cred if you play it right, and ol' Yukon Corneillis did just that!

So Rudolph knew how to roll with the tide.  He wasn't a squeeky wheel, and he benefited from that.  Maybe there's something to be said for that.  When the going was good, Rudolph knew how to roll with it and not ruin things.  Yeah, there' somethin' in that.  I'm willing to give Rudolph the red-nose raindeer SOME credit for that.  

But as to Rudolph the red-nose reindeer's ride to fame?  We're talkin' FREAK STORM here.  RANDOM CHANCE!!  Had it not been for a CATASTROPHIC BLIZZARD, Rudolph the red-nose reindeer would have never gotten promoted.

I think if Rudolph the red-nose reindeer was ever to meet Uncle Sam I think Uncle Sam would punch him in the nose.  As Rudoph the red-nose reindeer's ride to fame was just about the exact opposite of the American dream that is preached to the populous; if you work hard enough you can achieve your dreams.  What a crock of shit!  Did 'hard work' help ol' Rudolph achieve his dreams?  Fuck no!  RANDOM CHANCE, FREAK ABILITIES, and WEATHER ANOMALIES were ALL Rudolph the red-nose raindeer needed to succeed in life and get to the head of the pack.  And what did he do he got there -- farted in their fury faces what do you think?!  Remember how all the reindeer made fun of Rudolph during the games?  Yeah, well all those raindeer got their comeupance once the sleigh was airborn, and then on every straight stretch that pluck raindeer let 'er rip.  Farts that it.  Nauseous, chilly bean infused, stink bombs.  But you won't see that in the 1 hour, holiday special.  Gotta show a happy, united team to the kiddies.  Networks know how to edit the real life, gritty stuff out, Holmes.  

In my own life I am sooo on that proverbial island of misfit toys.  Been there for a long time.  Never fit in high school.  Leaving Issaquah for Orting was a big change, a change for the worse.  I had a great friend in Issaquah.  All the friends I made in Orting, now in retrospect, we're all a bunch of dicks that if I had to do it all over again, knowing what I now know, I would have have pursued OTHER people to fill that void.    

Thought I'd leave the island of misfit toys when I went on to college...  True, I did find freedom, but I never found belonging.  And the next thing you know I'm spending a year of my life on a fishing boat, where a whole shit-load of people where on that proverbial, Island of Misfit Toys.  My time on the fishing boat was an odd experience for me.  I should have gotten laid a lot.  But the crazy thing is I had a lot of misplaced thoughts about love: I thought a guy and girl should love each other on an emotional level.  High falutin morals are a killer for casual sex.  Oh well, why cry over that spilt milk.  The girls up there weren't so great anyway.  Three weeks at sea and all women let their apearces go to shit.

Okay, so if I had to be on toy from the Island of misfit toys, I'd be the pokadotted elephant.  If you thought I'd say I see myself as that girl doll, fuck you!  I endeavor to get under the skirt -- not be the skirt!

But all seriousness the pokadotted elephant rocks.  That's me.  That's how I see myself.  As kind of this outlandish stuffed animal that no one can see.  Yeah, I got the Snufalufuagus vibe going.  

Will I ever get off the proverbial Island of Misfit toys?  I hope so.  Everyone needs a place where they belong.  I do wanna get played with.  Preferrably with a female.  If it ends up being a male, lemme tell ya its gunna take a lot of beers to get there, and even then I'd have to be unconscious.

Rudolph the red-nose reindeer was a complete fuck-up, YET by RANDOM CHANCE, FREAK ABILITIES and placing himself in INCLEMENT WEATHER CONDITIONS he managed to break free of the stigma of being in a mental, Island of Misfit Toys.  Heck, despite himself, Rudolph even managed to land a hottie along the way, Clairce.  Lotta reindeer where pawing after that looker, but she was Rudolph's girl.   

So am I jealous of Rudolph the red-nose reindeer?  Yeah, maybe a scotch.  But I do think the career reward of his life was a little over-stated: hauling around a porker who desperately needed a Jenny Criag intervention.  But then again Santa Claus' own wife was the one fattening that fat fuck up.  What's up with that?  Must have been in it for the life insurance money...  Regardless, Santa Clause was a lard-ass, and hauling a lard-ass along doesn't sound like fun to me.

But it's the REAL story behind Rudolph the red-nose reindeer kills me; Rudolph didn't hafta be be brilliant to succeed, he just had to enjoy the ride with the people he met along the way.  Rudolph just rode the wave and let it take him up, up, up...

Comments

[D]

Hey E.C.,
Just found your website through a few old posts on Scriptshadow and I'm glad I did. Enjoy the informative articles and the refreshingly honest point of view you're willing to share with your readers.
Hopefully you'll add a link to the scripts in your logline section in the future, this site could be a great learning tool for writers. Especially interested in reading anything in the rom-com or comedy genre. Keep up the good work!
Nate