Beer Truths

Do I like beer? 

Ooo yeah, do I ever like a "good" beer.  At the "right" time, a "good" beer can really hit the spot.  But how do you know what a "good" beer is?  And how do know what beer goes the time and event you find yourself in?  These are deep questions.  Questions that deserve an answer.  Questions that I have considerable experience in answering.  And now I've found that the time has come to divulge what I've learned.

1. Budweiser is called the king of beers for a reason. Budweiser is a GREAT all-purpose beer.  I could drink ice-cold Budweisers all day -- if called upon to do so.  Budweiser is a middle-ground beer.  It's bite (the hops influence) isn't so strong, like say a Heikeken, or a Papst Blue Ribbon. 

Budweiser is great selection IF you're planning on drinking say 3-5 beers while sitting on the porch on a summer evening. 

2. Blue Moon is a girl's beer.  Only drink this piss-water if you pee sitting down.  My mom ordered one of these when we went out for pizza, and I almost threw up.  It's like lemonade stand meets brewery.  And that shit don't mix right, Skippy!  

And while we're on the subject.  Who the fuck came up with the idea of putting orange slices as an accent for beer?  Talk about tootie-fruity, and gay.   Shit ain't right part II, Skippy! 

3. Heineken is a sipping beer. Probably my favorite tasting of all beers, but I've found if I drink two or more I get headaches, and I'm not talking drinking too much hangovers.  Heineken is a Danish import, so maybe it's some foreign additive that my body doesn't like.  Love the sharp bite of Heineken, but I don't like the after affects it gives me.

4. Miller Genuine Draft is the best beer to have with pizza.  Its deep taste goes well with pizza.  Miller Genuine Draft is probably my 2nd favorite of all beers.  This is a staple beer at the Henrikson house; it's the one beer that we all can agree on that we like. 

5. The Irish should have kept the Guinness on their little island.  I tried Guinness ONCE -- just because I've ran into a lot people in my life who claim to have liked this beer.  Couldn't even finish one can of that Irish puddle water.  You wanna drink Guinness, my friend, you're drinking alone!

6. Lite is not right.  All lite beer SUCKS!  All derivations off a main hit, are just that dirivatives that never achieve the fullness of taste that their non-lite original's.  AND they have an off taste.  Bud Lite IS NOT Budweiser.  Bud Lite is NOT an acceptable substitute for an actual Budweiser.  And don't even get me started on Bud Lite Lime!  So if you invite me over and ask for a Budweiser, but all you have is Bud Lite and have the audacity to say, "Is that, okay?"  No, sir or madame it is not okay; Bud Lite is not a viable substitute for the real thing.

7. Schmidt beer is only palatable when you're cutting wood.  Had Schmidt beer once after cutting wood with a chain-saw with my dad for several hours and I thought it was pretty good.  THEN I had Schmidt beer another time -- without the pre-condition of just having cut some wood -- and found it wasn't very good at all. 

8. Only drink Old English 800 if you're a skid row bum, or a degenerate, under-aged teenager looking to get hammered. When I was a wee lad, my buddies and I used to go to a gook store and buy alcohol from a gook who wasn't as stringent with the law on the books as he should have been.  I think with this guy the law only existed when it was present with him in his story.  Now I know the politically correct thing to say was this was an Asian-American on the other side of the counter.  But the people who ran Whirleys were like straight-off-the-boat Vietnamese: toothy smile, smiling eyes, nod their heads, spoke broken English; gooks.  We used to skip high school, ride on our off-road motorcycles and by 20 ouncers from Whirleys.  You ONLY by 20 ounce Old English 800 bottles to get drunk -- and that's what we did! 

Old English 800 is nasty.  Anyone who tells you different is either lieing or is a skid row bum. 

9. Coors is gross.  Only had Coors beer ONCE, and that was enough for me.  Didn't like the taste at all.  Rocky Mountain refreshment -- what a croc of shit!  My parents who grew up in Illinois tell me that college-aged kids used to make pilgrimages to Colorado just for Coors beer.  (Early 1960s)  Now this is before this current time, where everything is prevalent and available everywhere.  Had I grown up in those times, I probably would have started off on the trek from Illisnois to Colorado, but that journey would have ended in St.Louis -- at the Budweiser plant!  Hehehehe.

10. Corona is OKAY. I have mixed feelings about this beer.  Maybe it's the marketing.  I'll be the first to admint the TV commercials for Corona have done a number on my psyche.  For some reason I associate Corona with lounging on the beach with a bikini-clad girl and leisurely drinking a beer.  Very cool image to have, but then you have to drink the beer.  To me Corona has a slightly off flavor.  Different.  Not entirely bad, but not entirely good either.  And what's with the lemon?!  Almost reminds me of the orange slices on the Blue Moon or other Hefferveisen beers...  Ut-oh, don't wanna be going there, Skippy...

11. Papst Blue Ribbon is my dad's beer.  I remember growing up and getting sips from his pull-tab beer cans in the mid-to-late 70s.  Pabst Blue Ribbon has a sharp hops bite to it.  It's a lot like Budwieser, a beer you can drink a lot of, but first you have to get over the bite.  Personally I think Papst Blue Ribbon is the ultimate fishing beer.  Doing some casting on the river, take along a Papst.  Trolling on the lake, drink a Papst Blue Ribbon while watching your line. 

12. Only drink Generic Beer in times of global, nuclear war. Their is a reason Generic Beer has no name -- no one wants to publically own up to actually making that piss water!  Hence, Generic Beer is only fit to be drunk in times of who-gives-a-fuck, or when you know your doom is imminent.  

P.S. Got my latest spec. script, which is entitled, "A Heart Built on the Sand" down to 120 pages.  Still got some line editing to do.  Will probably listen to this script 10-12 times, tweaking it ever-so-slightly until the description just sings -- or as close as I can get it to sing, never been much of a poet.   I also still need to do the cover art for a spec. script music CD for this project.

   

Comments

[Mark]

Hey E.C. - Followed the link off Scriptshadow. I think your blog is pretty cool. Can I read one of your scripts? Whichever you feel like sharing. my email is [email protected]

Mark

[E.C. Henry]

Mark,

Thanks for showing interest. You're welcome to visit my blog anytime you want. Sorry it's taken me 5 days to respond, but in all truth this is the 1st time I've been on-line in about a week. As up here in the state of Washington we just had a major snow, then ice, now windstorm. It knocked out our power for 3 days, phone lines for 6 days. It got so bad I had to motel it for 3 days.

Thanks for showing interest in my screenwriting. I've been at screewriting for about 9 years now. Don't know you well enoug to send ANYTHING to you. BUT if we develope a friendship OVER TIME that is subject to change.

Again, you're welcome to visit and comment any time you want. Thanks for the visit. Look forward to getting to know you better.

- E.C. Henry from Bonney Lake, WA